Please read, support and share!!!!


Good afternoon People,

I haven’t written a blog for a while now. But things recently in the news have prompted me to put pen to paper – or fingers to keypad. Let me not dilly dally around. The subject I need to mention is dementia. It has recently been highlighted as worthy of a campaign to make people aware of the situation surrounding this awful illness.

I am not going to go on about it as I do not know that much on the subject. Not enough to speak with some sort of authority that is. But my mum had dementia. She passed away three years ago. During the final stages she was in a care home. I used to visit her but was unaware as to whether she actually knew we were there. Most people she could not recall and she would spend ages trying to feed herself, getting food running down her chin and eating with her mouth full. Both of which she would have been ashamed of a few years previously when she had her faculties.

The reason I write today is that it is my belief that people with severe dementia or Alzheimer’s should reach a point whereby a decision should be made. The point where the dignity and pride of the person completely disappears to be replaced with a fraction of the previous person – now dependent on everybody around them – and their whole life takes a different meaning.

I recall my brother finding my mum stark naked on the bed. My mum always dressed nicely, was always so clean and well presented, and bought us kids up to be the same. And now here she is, naked for all the world to see. Her own grandchildren trying to have a conversation and sounding like you are speaking to a child. My mum was a force to be reckoned with who said exactly what she thought and would have nobody attempt to talk down to her – ever! And now we are all trying to amuse her. This is wrong.

Those with this problem can be a danger. Leaving on taps, leaving on gas rings, letting strangers into their house and finally going into a home where the children have to share duties to manage any sort of motivation, visits, gifts, hygiene etc non stop. It is draining and hard work for many and can change relationships of the next generation.

Am I cruel in thinking that there should be a cut off point? A point where the patient had previously signed their consent when in control of their own mind? A point where the doctor says “Would you like him/her to be released?” Had I been asked that when my mum got to a certain stage I would have agreed on condition that it was previously her wishes. To have her released so that family remember her as they would like to. To have her released so that she can go with her dignity intact. To know that she would not be a burden on anybody else, because she would never have wanted that.

My mum was once over 20 stone. When she died she was probably around six stone and skeletal in appearance. I had never in my life ever swore in front of my mum, I wouldn’t dream of doing so and even when I was in my fifties I wouldn’t dare. That’s how she changed from one person to the other.

I now have early onset dementia. Whilst I can say it, I shall not be around at those later stages where I cannot make that decision. I shall make sure I have the method available so that I can go. I have a plan that will only ever involve just me. But I shouldn’t have to think about this. I give my permission now! But they can’t. They stopped my mums food, and medication as she was dying. She lived without them a further six days and for those six days we watched her laying there unable to communicate. We asked why they are prolonging the inevitable. They could do nothing. It’s illegal to help a dying person to die. Dementia is incurable. It can never get better. Why let proud people fade away in pain, loneliness (in their eyes) and misery?

I want people to share this. I want to start a campaign to make this happen. Surely there cannot be anybody who would oppose it. Euthanasia can be a controversial subject as there are many arguments for and against. But dementia can have no opposition surely. If you are in agreement, please share this blog, and perhaps let me know by sending an e-mail showing your support to using the subject DIGNITY! Thank you.


6 thoughts on “Please read, support and share!!!!

  1. floridaborne

    found you at the blog party. I remember a documentary years ago about Alzheimers. One woman said that early on, in one of her of her father’s lucid moments, he tried to drown himself in the bathtub rather have his daughter waste her life being his caregiver. She said that 8 years later she wondered if she should have honored his wish to die with dignity.

    It takes a person with great strength to have dementia or Alzheimer’s and say, “This is my line in the sand, the place where I want to say goodbye.”

  2. ellen langford

    My dad has Alzheimer’s and is now in a home. He knows who we all are and has good days and bad days but he is no longer ‘dad’. He too had a plan to never let it get to this stage but things didn’t work out the way he wanted. I have no idea if the form he has will be hereditory or not but I do know that I wouldn’t want to live/die the way this disease has in mind.
    We are only round the corner if you ever need anything


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